My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
