It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
