What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i wish my penis had a tongue
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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