She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
