I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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