Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
