I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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