I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am available for nakedness
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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