Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
