So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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