ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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