you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
