Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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