smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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