His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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