i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
