sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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