so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
