I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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