the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
