she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
