mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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