New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
