The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
