Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just tell him i said nine months
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
