Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
