guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
