i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
