Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
