ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
