So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
