No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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