So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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