So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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