All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
