I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
