I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
