Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
