Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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