did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm always down for nudity.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
