I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
