Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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