those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
soo... how was my night?
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