just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Damn victory sex feels great
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
