I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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