in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
