we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you made out with another girl for some wings
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
