when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
