in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
