he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
How's work?
Spinning.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
