We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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