im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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