so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
